One day my boss taught me our sexual harassment policy out of nowhere. No, I'm just kidding. She taught me a lot of things and that was one of them. The policy was that if you were to sexually harass someone, you'd go straight to final warning. If you ever do it again, you're fired. The next day my boss was like, Sarah, tell the team what you learn
I'll tell you what I think Shane's mistake was on Saturday Night Live. You can't go around talking about women like that. If you wanna talk about gender and not seem like a misogynist, here's the trick. You don't say you're talking about women, you say you're talking about white women. 'Cause if you're like, 'Women complain too much,' people are li
I don't know what it is, but the second I touch down in Europe, I'm like, I'm gonna be the biggest whore on this continent. Like, I actually can't help it. Like Interpol would classify what I let like a German guy do to me on a cobblestone street as terrorism. It's crazy. I usually, I'm here for Euro Summer, you know, so I go to like Croatia with t
My mother. That's your mom. Mom? Mom, are you married, mom? No, but it feels like it. Married? Who are you married to, the game? What the f*** are you talking about? Travis. What's his name, ma'am? Okay, how do you feel about Travis? He bought my first car. He bought you your first car. Dude, that guy is f***ing your mom, dude. Holy sh*t. You know
My father will say anything to anyone. He came to a family party. A friend of mine brought his friend. His friend is a lesbian. My father noticed and he tells her, "Hey, no worry about anybody in the family look at you different, okay? If you want to be a Lebanese, you be the best Lebanese." He called me one day, he goes, "Oh, I just saw something
If you wanna stop world hunger, stop sending them food. Don't send these people another bite, folks. You wanna send them something? You wanna help? Send them U-Hauls. Send them U-Hauls, some luggage. Send them a guy out there that goes, 'Hey, you know, we've been driving out here every day with your food for like the last, I don't know, 30, 40 year
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